I don’t usually watch these videos when they float around, but if you can keep a dry eye while watching this video of US soldiers coming home to their families and children then you are truly a rock. I don’t know how they do it, leaving their families for 6 months+ at a time. I know I couldn’t.

Hats off to the troops and the sacrifice they make on our behalf.

I am constantly amazed at how different my children’s education is from mine. The volume of homework (they actually have homework in the evening, I don’t remember doing homework in Grade 5, 6 or 7), the rigour (my eldest is going through full 1.5 hour exams in his classes in Grade 7 this week) and the quality of education.

A few weeks ago, our son brought home the class science project …. they hatched them in the class!

Progress, for sure.

Recently forwarded to me: The Top 10 habits of happy couples according to Today’s Parent:

1. Talk, talk, talk
2. Date each other
3. Spend time apart
4. Let small things slide
5. Fight fair
6. Stay intimate
7. Touch
8. Say thank you
9. Keep it surprising
10. Make the effort

Always be learning.

This year the boys are back in music, each taking a wind instrument again. The house is filled with music. Very nice to hear. What I find fascinating is how musical training has been impacted by technology.

When I was a kid, I played the saxophone (for about 7 years). I played a lot of Saxophone, taking a private lesson once a week, practicing a half hour a day, took band at school (The high marks helped) and I was fortunate enough to be the youngest ever member of the community band. A lot of hard work.

Today that hard work is augmented by the computer. When I was a boy, I would learn with a book, scales and feedback from a teacher. Not anymore. Thanks to the inexpensive program called Smart Music, our boys clip a microphone onto their instrument and play away with a full orchestra or solo. The program records their progress and provides instant feedback on the note (did they hit the right note) and tempo (were they on time).

They can then listen to themselves play (if they recorded it), view the results (visually maps which notes they hit and which they did not) or forward the results off to the teacher via email (both the visual results, and the recording). Amazing. And if they are having trouble? A full help guide on how to finger the note properly and other tips. It is interesting to watch the program push the boys too, as they strive for perfection with instant feedback.

I have also enjoyed flipping through the eBooks that are included in the program. Many of the music books are the same ones I used as a kid, which made me laugh.

What a wonderful piece of technology, what an amazing world we live in .. and all of the above for only $30 a year. Amazing.

It has been a while since we spent a Christmas holiday with family and it was great. I will admit, spending Christmas in Paris and Brugge was also spectacular, but there is something about being home that is different and great.

It also meant that we are facing our first winter in many moons and while it isn’t as crazy as I hear it was last year (feet of snow versus inches of snow), it is still a bit of a shock to the system. The biggest issue with winter is activity. It is natural to want to hibernate from the cold, but that isn’t good for the heart, mind or soul.

So we spent the holiday skiing, snow shoeing, tobogganing and playing more board games than we have played in years. I forgot how fun the Game of Life can be (there are many ways that statement can be interpreted). Rummikub, Sequence, Apples to Apples (at a friends house) were high on the list as was COD6.

What we didn’t do was attend a New Years party. Instead, we celebrated as a family. It was fantastic and as we went to bed, the snow started to hit. It was beautiful ..

And it hasn’t stopped snowing since.

2010 awaits .. it is going to be fun.

‘Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful’

                                                                                                                   Albert Schweitzer

Our family was introduced to the art of the Christmas Panto two years ago in England. The best way to describe a Panto is crazy musical, appealing to kids while being full of hidden adult jokes and the occasional water gun. In other words, something that every family should attend each holiday season:

Traditionally performed at Christmas, with family audiences consisting mainly of children and parents, British pantomime is now a popular form of theatre, incorporating song, dance, buffoonery, slapstick, cross-dressing, in-jokes, audience participation, and mild sexual innuendo. There are a number of traditional story-lines, and there is also a fairly well-defined set of performance conventions. Lists of these items follow, along with a special discussion of the ‘guest celebrity’ tradition, which emerged in the late 19th century.

We hit the Robin Hood Pantomime at the Elgin Theatre in Toronto last weekend and it was two hours of fantastic entertainment and laughs. And surprisingly, Tiger Woods was the butt of some very funny jokes (how fast the high and mighty fall). The best being when the villain first came on to the stage (it is tradition that the entire audience must begin booing him the second he shows up in any scene) and he stood there, smirking and said ‘What? Not like I am Tiger Woods’.

The only thing that it was missing? Water guns …. (smile). Guess that is distinctly British. Well worth seeing.

This applies to male 11 year olds.

1. Acquire several XBOX 360s (Video store – $40 for a week each) and hook them up to monitors, TVs or projectors.

2. Acquire copies of Modern Warfare 2 and Halo 3 ($5 each to rent).

3. Link them through your router and system link.

Let rip. Works every time, although 12 – 11 year old boys can be surprisingly loud. And it is sad to admit, but they can finally beat me …. I knew the day would come.

The recent Globe and Mail interview with Michael Chabon is fantastic and a striking insight into how much fatherhood has changed in the last few decades.

Early in his new essay collection, Manhood for Amateurs , Michael Chabon offers a telling definition of what it means to be a dad: “A father is a man who fails every day.” Later, the author of the Pulitzer-winning The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay writes that, as a father, it’s his job to be a hypocrite. For Mr. Chabon, 46, a father of four and one of the most celebrated novelists of his generation, this fatherhood thing? It’s not easy. Whether he’s talking to his kids about drugs or struggling to understand his daughters, he always seems aware of his shortcomings as a father. He talked to The Globe and Mail about how aspiring to a higher standard makes men good dads.

As you point out in the book, the historical standard for being a good dad is really low. Why do dads get off so easy?

There’s certain minimum behaviours that have long been accepted as marking whether one is or is not a good father, and basically those consisted of paying to raise your children, paying for their upkeep and sticking around. And that’s it. Anything more than that would just push you into some kind of Super Dad category. It’s not fair.

Do you think it’s encouraged dads to stick to the minimum requirements?

It has been bad for men that the expectations put on fathers are so low. It’s been bad for them as sons and bad for them as fathers as well. It’s incredibly satisfying and fulfilling to care for your children. It’s tedious and irritating and overwhelming and boring and it can be drudgery, but it’s one of those things that having done them gives you a feeling of satisfaction.

There have been critics over the past few years who claim parents are as immature as their kids for playing the same video games and sharing an interest in the same popular culture as their children. But you seem to be really happy to be able to geek out with your kids over, say, a shared love of Dr. Who.

It’s incredibly pleasurable. And it’s bizarre and arbitrary to draw designations between saying it’s okay to sit down to watch Claude Rains movies with your kids but it’s somehow not okay to sit down and play video games with your kids.

How would you say your version of fatherhood differs from your dad’s generation?

The model for him was that you are the breadwinner and that you stick around. He did his best and his best was a lot better than what was necessarily expected of him. But he never took care of me in the sense of cleaned up after me when I was sick or bought me new pairs of shoes or combed my hair or any of that kind of stuff. And then when my parents divorced when I was 12 and he moved away, I didn’t have the physical presence either. I definitely grew up with a sense of a lack. That might be part of what has impelled me to try live up to a somewhat higher standard in terms of presence and in terms of caring for my kids.

…

How do you define being a good father?

To me it’s just a question of presence, but not in the mere physical sense of the term. I think that, in a way, has been the standard for a very long time, that physical presence is adequate or sufficient. To me, it’s about emotional presence. It’s a standard. It’s not something, God knows, that I always meet or even necessarily meet consistently. But it is a standard, just to try to be there for your kids.

As a Dad who loves to play video games with his kids, build Lego and fool around with his boys – couldn’t agree more. It is all about investing time (which, with the new job, I have not done enough of lately – DULY NOTED!).  I have the book on order

I cannot understand anyone who does not love Christmas music (a debate I found myself in the middle of yesterday). I am a big fan of Christmas music. How can you not get in the mood?

Of course the season leads to the inevitable list of ‘favourites’ or ‘must have’ Christmas CDs. MSN had this list which made me scratch my head? Where is the Barenaked Holiday? Where are Bob and Doug? Was this list created by a Canadian because if it is a Canadian portal, a true Canadian would never put a Mariah Carey ‘anything’ on a top 10 list. And for goodness sake Harry, it is your 3rd Christmas album. Enough already – go make another Jazz album or star in a sitcom or something. Anything.

Personally, I am sticking to my top 6 that you can find here:

1. Barenaked for the Holidays: It takes 1 or 2 listens before you get into it but it is still a family favourite. The Elf’s Lament is worth the purchase by itself (Who else would sing about the elf’s plight as forced labour? I can just here the elf calling out ‘But I wanted to be a dentist!’
2. When My Heart Finds Christmas, Harry Connick:  His first and best album. Ignore the next 2.
3. A Very Special Christmas 3:  I bought this for one reason, Sting singing I Saw 3 Ships. Could listen to it 100 times.
4. Bruce Cockburn Christmas: Bruce, sitting somewhere in Northern BC, strumming along. Borderline country (which leads to vigorous internal debate on whether it deserves to be in our home), but skates to the border and comes back. It is NOT country. Nice to see that he is not slinging a rocket launcher at Christmas.
5. Great White North, Bob and Doug Mackenzie:  This reminds me of my youth. My brother and I wore this album out when we got it for Christmas and who doesn’t want 2 French toasts and a beer for Christmas?
6. White Christmas:  Bing. Love yah big guy.

Of course, after listening to these, it is off to watch the best Christmas movie every made: A Christmas Story. Let the debate begin.

Update: Looks like Bob & Doug are being made into a cartoon. Fantastic. Enjoy this 12 days of Christmas video. A Canadian classic.

I had a bit of a shock last week when I cranked up the new copy of Call of Duty, World at War. I cranked it up because the boys love Call of Duty, but whenever it is an older rated game I go through and check it out first.

Good thing I did. While it is a kick ass game, the initial cut screen of the Japanese solider beating the American captive with a bamboo stick and then jamming his cigarette into his eye was enough to pull the game from family general circulation. Same as Gears of War II and maybe Fable II (I need to look into that one, there is a reference in a review to prostitution and a number of other questionables). I remember when one 10 year old came over and explained how his parents let him play Grand Theft Auto. I just shook my head.

It is all about being active and not letting a company dictate what you allow your kids to do. A rating isn’t enough.

In what can only be one of the most daft proposals I have ever seen, two leading sexual health charities in the UK are advocating compulsory sex education for children as young as four:

Julie Bentley, the Family Planning Association chief executive said ‘This is not about teaching four year olds how to have sex .. it’s like maths – at primary school children learn the basics so that they can understand more and more complex concepts at a later stage’

I read statements like this with an understanding that stupid people can be senior executives too.

On a lighter note, I was sitting in a presentation last week and a speaker made a great joke when talking about poor performance in an area of the business. He said ‘Our performance reminds me of high school sex. Everyone is talking about it, nobody is doing it’.

Julie Bentley, thanks for the laugh. I hope no one is listening to you.

An article in USA Today states the ‘Married couples who play together stay together’, a point of view that I subscribe to. From the article:

‘The more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time’ …

One of the reasons couples have trouble is that they have different takes on fun and bonding, Parrott says. "Intimacy and friendship for a man is built on shared activity, but for women, shared activity is a backdrop for a great conversation. What she wants on date night is a time of intimacy and friendship. He’s disappointed because she’ll never go to a game or golfing, and it’s during shared activities that his spirit is most likely to open up."

Gender differences also showed up in another study by the Denver researchers. They asked a random phone sample of 908 people how long it had been since they had been on a date with their spouse; women, on average, said it had been twice as long as men. (In couples married 11 to 19 years, women said 17.8 weeks, and men said nine.)

Of course, no article would be complete without the requisite graph, this one analysing how much time couples spend together. I wonder if the below (perhaps) also reflects family changes also?

Just proves that I am a lucky guy. My wife plays golf (smile).

I turned 40 last week. The most common question asked: What will you do to celebrate your 40th? Some people head out and drink themselves into a stupor. Some people go on a special trip.

My answer is that I took it easy, watched my oldest son in A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Think it is confusing watching Shakespeare performed by professionals, try watching a bunch of 11 year olds), had a wonderful dinner and an amazing Ben and Jerry’s cake. I could not imagine a better birthday.

What I did not enter into is an introspective stage on my life so far, that is something I try to do regularly. I did reflect on how fast time flies by. I was on the Weening family website the other day and looking at pictures of our extended family (190 and growing) … time flies by. I am fortunate so far, I do not have the Weening white hair which generally shows up around 30 (smile).

As the oldest in a clan of four, I found the findings within the article ‘The Plight of the Older Sibling’ a fascinating read:

‘a new study has confirmed what first-borns like Joshua have always suspected: The oldest kid in the family really does bear the brunt of parental strictness, while the younger brothers and sisters generally coast on through.’

‘By the time the second and third kids come around, many parents lighten up, and realize that they probably overreacted a little with setting rules for their first kid, Leman says. “The first-born’s a guinea pig; we practice on ‘em,” he says. “Once the other kids come in, we lighten up. Or exhaustion takes over.”

As the eldest, I would often look at my two younger sisters and notice that they were treated differently. There was so much more flexibility and I would often think ‘Hey, I was never allowed to do that’. What the study does not allude to is where this goes wrong. When the oldest child gets ticked off with the unbalanced nature of the treatment. I know that as I left home, I clearly rebelled against the strict and stifling rules that I was put under. When I came back into that home environment where the younger children were treated differently, I openly resented it.

In our family, we have often discussed being harder on our oldest. I think back to being a new parent and how we were so worried that the littlest bump would damage our new born baby. As parents, where every experience is new and a book can only tell you so much, there is that natural protectiveness. When our second child arrived, we were easier going – in large part because of experience and confidence (we had done it once before, we knew that a bump on the head would not break the child).

A very interesting parental read.

Many people have been keeping us up to date on the Canadian snow situation: lots is the word. I cannot say that I miss it. The people who are taking care of my dog sent photos and I miss hanging out with him in the snow.

We built our first pool when our son was less than a year old. A shedload of thought went into child safety as we had heard more than one horror story of a child unattended and drowning. My mother told us the story of my brother and I playing in one of those tiny little round pools (with 12" of water) and the phone ringing. She ran in, told the caller she would call back (no answering machines in those days) and ran straight back out to find me holding my brother under the water. As he turned blue I proudly proclaimed ‘Look mom, Brad is blowing bubbles’.

For us, the second planning factor was our big moronic lab who would do anything to get in the water. I can still remember when we was 9 months old and he jumped into the open water of a Toronto river in -20 weather. He walked out with icicles instantly forming on his belly, shook once and dove back in.

With these goals in mind we set to building a child and dog proof pool. With regard to the children we proudly proclaim success. With regard to the dog and one almost drowned squirrel – we failed. The dog was in the pool more often than we were and the squirrel required 2 months of rehabilitation.

It would now appear that our efforts to save the children are being augmented by new child drowning training. Take a moment to watch this video, you will amazed. If we had known about it when our children were young we DEFINITELY would have taught them (while also fencing in the pool). If you know someone who has a young child – pass the video on, they will thank-you for it.

We will miss that pool and I miss my buddy.

In our British home there is a lot less room so one of the things to go this year was the 14′ tree that we usually have. We also skipped the process of a) going to a farm and cutting one down ourselves and b) getting a fresh tree. We went artificial for the first time ever.

At least it was not a cursed tree. There is always that.

I was reading a very interesting article on the weekend about fire alarms. In this story a family was saved by their young son who woke up as a fire erupted from the dryer downstairs. The family of 5 quickly vacated the home, no one was hurt and the fire department arrived quickly. I have heard that dryer fires are common (lint build up).

They had a fire alarm. It had no batteries in it. Amazing.

In our last house, we had fire alarms that were linked into the alarm company (total cost – $25 per month to monitor). We also had carbon monoxide monitors. In our new home, the previous owners were American consulate people who appeared very paranoid. The house is like Fort Knox: highest quality locks, fire alarms in every single room and a state of the art alarm system.

The only problem? When the batteries start to go, the go in mass. A few weeks ago, one went .. then another .. at one point, I had 6 spread out on the kitchen table. In the end, I just replaced all the batteries to be done with it.

A pain, a little bit of investment but worth every penny.

I know a few people who have retired and are now taking their money and moving to traditionally 3rd world nations where their money goes a long way.

One friend built a place in Costa Rica, which you can check out here.

I came across an article on Corazal, Belize which is a former British colony near Mexico.  There is no capital gains tax on buying and selling property with prices for a 2 bedroom apartment starting at $140K. The official country language is English. Atlas International has an interesting site to peruse.

If you are a little more adventurous you could go to Bali. Interesting retirement options where the dollar goes a long way.

According to Dr. John Gottman, you need a 5:1 ratio of praise or kind actions to criticism with your partner. If the ratio drops to 3:1, Gottman says your marriage is in trouble.

I wonder if the same is true in business or with children? I think so.

Technology is very accessible these days and one of my boy’s favorite pastimes is doing Lego movies. After many experiments, I believe that I have found the simplest and most enjoyable way to make this happen – so here is my step by step guide.  What you need:

1. A digital camera.

2. A computer.

3. A tripod for the camera. You can buy these for as low as $15.

4. The more Lego – the better!

The steps:

1. Set up a small ‘stage’ for your shots. This can simply be a box or a table. Your call. Make sure you have a Lego baseplate(s) on which to build the scene. Set up some type of background (The kids can draw one or you can do what I do, just put up a big blank sheet of paper).

2. At this point, I leave the artistic component up to the kids. If they want to draw out a story – let them. If they want to go free style – let them. It is all about the fun of the process, not the rigor of the process. They will evolve the process over time.

3. Set up the tripod. Turn the flash off on the camera (if you leave it on, you get uneven lighting). Make sure there is enough light (you may need to shine a lamp onto the scene).

4. Start taking pictures. The process is simple, take a single picture for each movement. Move everyone/everything a little bit, take a picture. Move everyone, take a picture. This will take some time to get accustomed too. A few tips:

• Less is more. If there are tons of things in the picture, it will be difficult to follow the story.
• Remember, slow. They take a single picture for each movement. So, move everyone a little bit, take a picture. Move everyone, take a picture. After they have done a few they will understand exactly how this works. My sons have now evolved to where they will slowly remove body parts to show someone sinking into a lake. Their creative juices will start flowing.
• Show people flying or vehicles in the air by using clear Lego below the figure or vehicle.
• Remember, it will take a LOT of photos to make a short movie. A lot! At least 100 shots for a little over a minute.

5. Once the pictures are taken, move to the PC. I initially started by using Pinnacle Studio (full blown movie making suite) but that is overkill and adds complexity that is not required. If they keep doing this and want to start doing complex movies, then migrate to that product. For me, Windows Movie Maker (free – good overview in the link) works amazing and is surprisingly robust with transitions, sounds, etc. The steps to video processing:

• Load the pictures to the PC. I found it is best to import them into My Pictures first, then choose the Import>Pictures option in Movie Maker.

  

• Simply drag each photo to the storyboard (viewed below). You will want to go into Tools>Options>Advanced and adjust the timing between pictures (This is the amount of time that each picture is shown in the movie). I found the best settings are around 3/4 of a second per picture. I set the picture duration to 0.5 seconds and the transition time to 0.25 seconds.

• Play around with transitions (great for going from scene to scene) and effects.

• Switch to timeline view (below) and add in sound. Adding in sound is as simple as clicking Import, Audio or Music. What I have done is scour the web for cool sound clips that the boys can add (Try WavSource or Daily Wav or .WavCentral. So many out there!) Simply take the audio clip and drag it to a spot in the timeline and it becomes part of the movie. You can also use the narration feature (Options>Narrate timeline) to add voice.

• At any point, you can review the ‘status’ of the movie by clicking on the play button in the right corner viewing pane.
• If you want to get really fancy? Import the pictures into a picture program (As simple as Microsoft Paint (free)) and you can add in special effect (i.e. An orange ‘burst’ behind a space ship or a ‘laser cannon burst’ from a gun). They love that. Personally, I used PowerPoint and saved it as a JPEG. The reason? It is dead simple and PowerPoint 2007 has a boat load of shapes, fancy text options and a huge amount of clip art (HUGE if you use the ‘web’ collection – which is free to users). Much easier than a painting program as the majority of our editing is not actual picture editing – but adding cool effects like star bursts and the below (which is a PowerPoint shape where I re-colored it). Also – note the clear Lego below supporting the spaceship (We had some clear and some bluish. As you can see the pure clear ones are almost invisible).

• Last click on ‘titles and credits’ to add in a title page and of course, the all important ending credits! Make sure you get special mention in the credits as technical support (smile).

Now publish (Click on ‘Publish To’ on the left side). You can publish to a file (which I do) or to a DVD, etc. Simple and limitless.

There you have it. Truly one of the easiest and coolest things to do with your kids. If they like Lego and are creative, they should love it.

I had an interesting statement shared with me around family dynamics, the law laid down by a mother: ‘You all show up or no one shows up’.

A family philosophy which is the ultimate equalizer. It eliminates sibling rivalry and makes everyone clearly understand that no one sibling is more important that the other.

A great saying and one I will remember for my children, as I have seen what happens when it is not central to the family’s values. In the end, someone is always left on the outside.

A few family quotes from an article that made me think:

“one of the most glories messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day, don’t clean it up too quickly” Andy Rooney

“You know what this family needs, a mute” Dennis Leary in THE REF (great movie)

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you might as well make it dance” George Bernard Shaw

And the one that I want to always remember:

“The best way to give advice to children is to find out what they want and advice them to do it” Harry Truman