I am getting some REALLY weird SPAM in the corporate email box these days. What is really odd is that I have not gotten SPAM for 5 years and all of a sudden it started getting through (Even though it is ending up in my junk mail box).

What I find very perplexing about the latest SPAM is the point? I can understand if they are marketing a product – but these make no sense.

To illustrate, the subject of this blog was the title of the email and the content of the mail was as follows:

Get Human BIOSYSTEMS INC. (HBSC.OB) share today.


Millions people will know about this share right now and most of them will buy and will make money on it.

Monday will be the day when your gains will be really SOAR.

It’s getting growth almost every hour! So you can triple your balance any time.

We are sure thet you had not moment like that before.

Friday price: JAN 18 – $0.08

On monday 22 January it will – 0.13$ at least and 0.20$ at most (not bad for a day)

Inform your brokers in order they buy it immediately.

Do not lose your moment.MORE THAN 95% EVERY DAY!


I don’t get it. Do they really thing that I will go out and buy this stock? Do they think I will inform my broker so ‘they buy it immediately’? Just odd and candidly, pointless.

SPAMers, this decade’s degenerate.


On the topic of out of office messages, here are a few that will never get published:

“I am not in the office today as season 5 of 24 came out on DVD today. I started watching it around 7PM last night and around 4 a.m. realized that I needed to be up in 2 hours. Instead of going to bed and coming back grumpy, I decided to pull an all-nighter. Only 10 episodes to go! See you tomorrow”

“It is sunny out. I don’t get paid enough. I am going to sit at a public pool and get a tan. I will respond if I care. Don’t hold your breath”

“Thanks for the email but I cannot respond because I am out on the golf course and the only thing that is important to me is breaking 80. I will email you a token 1 line response in between holes, but if you want action, you will have to wait until tomorrow”

“Tequila. Shots. Head hurts much. Go Away. Tomorrow me respond. Stop jackhammer. Aspirin.”

“Child sick. Surrounded by Tylenol Cold, cough medicine, orange juice, an overworked humidifier and a house that reminds me of a petri dish. Someone help me. Get me out of here”

“I am on vacation. If I win the lottery on Wednesday, I am not coming back – EVER. If I don’t, I will respond Monday”


Over the last weeks I have noticed a wide range of out of office messages in email. They range from:

“I am travelling on business this week with limited access to voicemail and email. If this is urgent, please call my cell phone at …”

.. to …

“I am out of the office today in customer meetings. I will return emails at the end of the day. If this is urgent, please call me at ….”

I only use the out of office feature in Exchange/Outlook when I am on vacation for a few reasons:

1.       For my family’s sake, I don’t want people to know that I am travelling and not at home. Many serious crimes are committed by people who are close to you, so why arm others with the knowledge that I am not home?

2.       I carry a Windows Mobile 5 phone, so I am always on. I get email pushed to me, my office phone is forwarded to my cell (even when I am in the office I will simply forward it to my cell) and my cell is always on. So why bother? I may be out of the office, but in today’s all ways on work environment remain accessible.

3.       When I go on vacation, I go on vacation. I turn everything off. I remember telling someone last year that if they reach me on my vacation, it better similar Sudden Impact in magnitude or I did not want to hear about it until I was back. I unplug.

That being said, I do like to have fun with those message. A few that I have used and received comment on:

“I will be on vacation from July  X to July X. If this is an urgent issue, please feel free to contact (insert appropriate names). Thanks for your note, have a wonderful Christmas and New Years!”

“I will be on vacation from X to X. If this is an urgent issue, please feel free to contact (insert appropriate names). If you are feeling disgruntled or need someone to yell at, please contact (I inserted the name of the guy covering my business at the time). He is a good listener, generally optimistic and strong problem solver, he awaits your call.  Have a great day!”

If nothing else, they made me laugh.


·         BLAMESTORMING: Sitting in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

·         SEAGULL MANAGEMENT:  A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, leaves droppings all over the place then leaves.

·         CUBE FARM: Office filled with cubicles.

·         PRARIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm resulting in heads popping over the walls to see what is going on. Also applies when a spontaneous celebration breaks out like a promotion or extra lucky chain letter.

·         SITCOM: Single Income Two Children Oppressive Mortgage. When a couple starts having children and one decides to stay home to take care of the children or ‘start a home business’.

·         PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it working again. (PERCUSSIVE: Like impact. Having the impact or effect of a blow.)


Dear Abbey,

I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision. I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.The usual signs… phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.” I always stay awake to look out for her taxi coming home, but she always walks down the drive.

Although I can hear a car driving off, as if she has gotten out of the car round the corner. Why? Maybe she wasn’t in a taxi? I once picked her cell phone up just to see what time it was and she went berserk and screamed that I should never touch her phone again and why was I checking up on her. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.

I decided I was going to park my Harley Davidson motor cycle next to the garage and then hide behind it so I could get a good view of the whole street when she came home. It was at that moment, crouching behind my Harley, that I noticed that the valve covers on my engine seemed to be leaking a little oil. 

Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the dealer?


 The story of Aleksey Vayner is a very interesting one. From the Wikipedia entry on him (Ouch .. take a minute to read it):

Aleksey Vayner (born Aleksey Garber) is an Uzbekistan-born student at Yale University, known for having sent a résumé to UBS AG that included the URL for an inadvertently comical[1][2][3] online video[4], titled “Impossible is Nothing”. In the video, Vayner discusses his philosophy of success, shows off his physical prowess, and dances with a lightly-clad woman.Since their circulation began in October 2006, the résumé and video have been discussed on the web, television, and in print media world-wide. The story first broke widely on the Ivy League blog IvyGate, and was picked up my many mainstream outlets, including the New York Times[5], Metro paper[6], on Fox News[7], New York Post[8], The Sun[9], Daily Mail[1], MarketWatch[10], U.S. News and World Report[11], The New Yorker[12], and other global media.[13]

Well, one thing is for sure, Aleksey has gotten attention and will probably get a big fat check. Candidly, he deserves it. This is quite a breach of privacy. You can watch Aleksy and his lawyer talk about it here. Funny thing is, a few of the things that he says in the video are true (If you can get a view past his ego).