We have a cat who seems to be the bane of my existance. Don’t get me wrong – he is the most affectionate, crazy, amazing cat you will ever meet. He has the personality of a dog. He is also, deep down, a little sadistic. He often eliminates right beside the litter tray and has this favorite spot on the welcome mat where he likes to mark his territory – so that when people walk in, they know who is boss.

This has been going on for years. A war of attrition that I don’t seem to be winning despite web camera spying (to prove to Narda that it was him) and every device know to mankind including a motion sensing air blow horn (I laugh each time it goes off .. and evil, mad scientist type of laugh because I won one for the good guys).

Which makes this particularly funny, and very true. My dog just loved me …. The lives of a dog versus a cat:

Dog’s Diary……

8:00 am – Dog food! My favourite thing!

10:30 am – A car ride! My favourite thing!

10:40 am – A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

12:00 pm – Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favourite thing!

8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!

11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Cat’s Diary – Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released & seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously brain damaged.