The phone rings and call display is not working (I found out this weekend from my provider that while I had this feature for the last 5 months, it had not been turned on. Good thing I spent ALL THAT TIME fiddling with the phone). I pick up.

‘Hello?’

‘This is … from HSBC, I am … about …….. … … ….. if you …. … … today?’

Huh? ‘Buddy, I can’t understand a word you are saying, sorry’

I know, after 6 months, I should be able to tell if he is Irish or Scottish or from Manchester, but I have no bloody idea. The only thing I do know is that I can only understand certain words.

‘ I em coooling ta tawk to you about your HSBC acccant’.

Got it. ‘OK, what would you like?’

‘We have this … …. …. … new …. like ..’

He has gone back to his script and has sped up. I have no idea what he is saying. It does not sound like English.

‘Uh, sorry. But I can’t understand’. Now I do feel like an ass, after all, it is their country.

‘We huv … new .. … … … . … … like ….. … … ‘

I interrupt. ‘OK, you are going to have slow down. I am sorry, but I cannot understand you’.

‘We huv these new surice’

‘What?’ I say.

‘We .. huv .. thees … new … suurvice .. dat .. wee .. wuld ..like ..ta  .. inform’ He has started talking to me like I am deaf. It is working, I understand.

‘Oh, you are calling to offer me a new service. Thanks, but I am great. Have a great night’. We say good-bye.

Separated by a common language.