TODAY’s JAPANESE ENGLISH

Like I said before, when you are walking through Tokyo, you need to look up.

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I have no idea why this one caught my eye in passing. I was walking from lunch and noticed the print on the front of this dress. Who/what is Felicity Catch and why grammar do time so bad?

 

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And to answer your question: NO. My Japanese is not improving as evidenced by a recent conversation:

“I got this amazing sparking sake from Meidi-ya” (I pronounced meedie-ya)

“Where?”

“meedie-ya. You know the grocery store”

Laughs. “Oh you mean (pronounces it right). You have been saying that for a month and I had no idea what you were talking about”

The only good thing, I don’t write anything down in Japanese.

SMALL BUSINESS

Loved that this guy was out there drumming up some business in front of his store.

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Now that is initiative.

JAPANESE BAD BOY

Japan and Canada appear to have a very different view of what constitutes a rough and tumble “bad boy”. In Canada, that would be a Marlon Brando type or a hockey player. Perhaps a UFC fighter.

Bad Boy Junior Cigano Dos Santos UFC 117 Walkout Tshirt

This is the Japanese bad boy (you must always remember to look up when in Tokyo).

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(bottom right). Perhaps they took it literally and meant “bad boys” due to their over-use of hair gel and feminine disposition? Or perhaps they are bad boys because no boy band should number more than 5 (I counted 12). Perhaps the 3 in front are the bad boys as they did not get the pre-photo shoot memo on only wearing white.

Lost in translation …  Never ceases to make me smile.

OBSERVED AROUND TOKYO

Mark your calendar. I am saving up for this day (actually, from Bali)

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In Hong Kong they build buildings with bamboo scaffolds. In Canada, you climb up the sides of a scaffold. In Japan .. it as one would expect.

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Amazing how this product looks suspiciously similar to the Dyson innovation. By Toto Japan. Mitsubishi has one too.

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As seen in a Japanese parking lot. I have been warned, in a rather contradictory manner.

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ONLY IN TOKYO: THE BASEBALL WARMUP

The Tokyo baseball pre-game workout in Minato-ku.

 

I cannot imagine standing in a circle, holding hands and bouncing up and down to the cadence of a random teammate with people on my hockey team … ever.

ADVERTISING THE OBVIOUS

Advertisements in English are more frequent in Tokyo than I expected.

In some of these advertisements they trend to the literal more than they would in a North American advertisement.

This one made me smile. I would have thought that “cleanliness” was a given, not a feature of the club.

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ON THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE

 

While on holiday last week I read the book Sh*t my Dad Said by Justin Halpern. As you will expect, it was filled with more than a few crude statements, but also filled with a few touching moments between father and son and a few that had me laughing so hard I was in tears. One quote stuck out from the beginning of the book:

For as long as I’ve known him, my father has been a blunt individual. When I was little, I mostly felt terrified of him, so I couldn’t appreciate that I was dealing with the least passive-aggressive human being on the planet. Now, as an adult, all day long I dealt with people—friends, coworkers, relatives—who never really said what they were thinking. The more time I spent with my dad in those first couple months back home, the more grateful I started to feel for the mixture of honesty and insanity that characterized his comments and personality.

Amen to that.

OVERHEARD: 7 IRON

 

Last weekend we finished a round and were having dinner on the patio at King Valley. It was a beautiful evening, sun going down, no wind and a great post-round dinner with the family. On the deck above a wedding was being held and after listening to the broadcast nuptials (‘I do’ over a megaphone .. I heard it from the 18th green), the crowd dispersed while the couple took photos.

Above us a few young men were speaking and the words floated down:

“I am serious, my golf game is really coming along. I mean, my iron work is really progressing. I pick that 7 iron out of the bag and I bang it 120 yards, right down the middle every single time. Every single time, 120 yards. I am serious … 120 yards (insert emphasis)”

I leaned over and whispered … “Average male golfer hits a 7 iron 135” (smile).

YOU DON’T KNOW JACK

 

One of my favourite PC games has finally made it to the console. I downloaded the demo of You Don’t Know Jack from XBOX Live (It is CD form too) and introduced the boys too it a few Saturday night’s ago. What a great family trivia game, there really isn’t anything out there like it and we spent an evening laughing. For those who don’t know it, it is not like all of those other trivia games (which I simply do not play). YDKJ is all about irreverence and humour. This screenshot says it all.

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About time and fortunately, it made the transition to 2011 quite nicely!

ALBA NUADH (Nova Scotia) IOMALRTEAN NA GALDHLIG (Ministry of Gaelic Affairs)

Imagine my surprise while in Halifax when I walked into the Ministry of Transportation and Infrastructure Renewal to see the below – the Office of Gaelic Affairs. One of the things that I love about Canada, immigrant history remains strong – in this case Scottish (oops – corrected from Irish). The Gaelic language is spoken frequently (didn’t know that) and remains a strong part of the culture.

Ministry of Gaelic Affairs Nova Scotia

I was also told a funny Gaelic story. When the G8 was held out there, an ad was put in the paper for a bilingual taxi driver to shuttle dignitaries and staff. When they hired the guy, someone tried to speak French to him. He didn’t speak a word. They hauled him in and said ‘Right here on your application you said you were bilingual’. ‘Yes’ he responded, ‘I also speak Gaelic’.

Another funny story.  While I was in Halifax I was told about the European tourist who mistook Sydney, Nova Scotia with Sydney, Australia. Via:

Joannes Rutten should fire his travel agent. Or pay closer attention. The 71-year-old Dutch tourist and his 14-year-old grandson Nick thought they were flying from Amsterdam to Sydney, Australia. Through a mix-up, they ended up flying to Sydney, Nova Scotia in Canada.

Air Canada arranged hotel rooms in Sydney, NS for the pair, until they could arrange flight back to Amsterdam where they could sort out their flights.

It turns out Rutten said they didn’t know there was another Sydney. He’s not alone. Other tourists have ended up in the wrong Sydney before.

The weather was bad (very Irish – rain and wind), but the sunset was spectacular as we caught a quick flight over to St. John. And yes, that is a prop. Luckily it was not a Dash 8 that we flew in on (which is about as smooth as a roller coaster ride).

Flying to St John NB

DUMBEST THINGS YOU CAN SAY ON A GOLF COURSE

  • Dogleg .. smogleg .. I am going over those trees.
  • My friend told me to get out of a sand trap, you just aim an inch behind the ball and swing like crazy.
  • Laying up is for wimps. (Funny thing … when playing with the pro on 18 last week, I was 230 out from the green looking at some big ugly traps so I pulled out 5 iron to lay up and she said ‘Your not going to do that are you?’ … I had to laugh, her trying to goad me into a wood .. LOL .. A nice par).
  • I think I got all the kinks out on the range.
  • I can carry that lake.
  • I always hit my 6 iron straight.
  • I can reach this in two.
  • I can’t see over the hill, but I am pretty sure no one is there.
  • I heard you should always aim right at the hazard you should avoid.
  • Why don’t we play from the tips?
  • I better not leave it short.
  • That’s it, I’m switching balls.
  • Maybe it’s in the cup.
  • I don’t see any water up there, time to break out the big lumber.
  • Instead of punching out, I wonder if I can blast one between those two branches and then fade it back toward the hole.
  • 50 bucks if you make that putt.
  • There is absolutely no way I should use my 3 wood here. What the heck.
  • I saw Tiger try this once.
  • Mark it down, this is the day I break (Insert 100/90/80).

A few others I will add:

  • So, you wearing the pink or red thong today?
  • 50 bucks says he picks his nose.
  • I was hitting it so well on the range or ..
  • One of these days I will learn that I need to get to the range before I head out for a round.
  • Great drive! Hold on ..come on .. hold on .. come left .. hold … too bad.
  • I’m going for it.
  • I play better after a few beers.
  • Nice distance Sally (You ever see a female pro hit? I have).
  • If I just par the next 3 holes, it will be the round of my life.
  • Should have put the driver away on the range and practiced a few putts (Putts are 1/3 of the game!)
  • Think I can make this?
  • I really shouldn’t try this.
  • I need a new set of clubs.
  • The weights on this R7 are amazing. They have really helped my hook.

Via.

(archive) CHINA

I heard this antecdote yesterday and thought to share. A boy asks his mom ‘Can we move to China?’
Taken back as her son has never spoken about China and as it is not really something they focus on in the house, she asks ‘Why?’
‘Because everything that I like is made there’ 
So true.

I DON’T BELIEVE IN LUCK: SHOULD I CHANGE? (archive)

The day that I blogged on luck I received an email from the man who always told me that “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity”.

What was that mail? I paraphrase (It was a self extracting PowerPoint that I was supposed to forward to others):

Old Chinese Proverb:

  • With money you can buy a house, but not a home.
  • With money you can buy a clock, but not time. (Sure you can, do you think Bill Gates changes light bulbs or flies on a normal plane? Nope, he buys time by having staffers and a private plane)
  • With money you can buy a bed, but not sleep. (I guess the Chinese don’t know about sleeping pills)
  • With money you can buy a book, but not knowledge. (Again, not sure I agree … I can surround myself with wise people to advise me on actions)
  • With money you can buy a doctor, but not good health. (Someone better tell Larry Ellison about this, he is spending $50M a year to research how to extend his life)
  • With money you can buy a position, but not respect.
  • With money you can buy blood, but not life. (What, no hostage situations in Chinese history?)
  • With money you can buy sex, but not love. (I bought my dog and he loves unconditionally)

This Chinese proverb brings luck. This proverb has gone around the world 8 times, now it is your turn to have good luck. Forward this to 20 people in the next 96 hours and you will receive luck via mail or the internet in the next 4 days.

Constantine got his first letter in 1953. He had his secretary make 20 copies. 9 hours later he won $99M, the largest lottery ever in his country. (How fair is that? Shouldn’t his secretary who did all the bloody work get the big win?)

Carlos received this card while working, but did not send it. Two days later, he lost his job. (Poor Carlos, if he had been working instead of screwing around with chain letters, maybe he would have kept his job). (With his new found time …) Carlos took the time to make 20 copies and mail them out to friends and family. After sending them, he became successful and rich. (The big ah-ha for Carlos was that people are suckers, he realized that people will do anything if you put superstition or ‘get rich quick’ in the message. So, Carlos started the first ever Multi-Level-Marketing company, selling Natural Herbal products that he relabeled from the local Costco and marked up 600%).

Before 96 hours, you must send this letter! This is true! (Whew, I was not going to do it, but now that you say it is true, I WILL. But wait? Who are you? Why should I believe that this is true?)

This was sent to the world by a missionary from South Africa (Ah, well, there is the answer. If it is a missionary sending it out, it must be true. After all, he/she must be a heck of a missionary as South Africa can be tough).

Luck is finally at your door. (Well, if you are, you are not coming in without a winning Lotto ticket. Otherwise, bugger off)

 

I did not forward this email.

And as luck would have it, the hydraulics on the plane went .. I wasted 6 hours in the airport, missed my connection and am stuck in an airport hotel. I will lose the whole day tomorrow.

That being said, I did sleep in a comfy bed and am quite well rested (Better than the red-eye I was on), the attendant was nice enough to upgrade us to business class, I am having a great bacon and egg breakfast and Serenity was playing on the hotel pay-per-view. All is not lost.

But perhaps I should have forwarded it.

THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT

I don’t gamble, the others in the party where not interested. I have known him a while so I was candid: ‘look, if you want the keys to the Expedition, go ahead and we will all go out for a nice 3 course steak dinner. But if you think that you are going to drag me to some cheese ball casino, your nuts’. Put that way, he said bugger you all, he was going. I gave him the keys and we all retired to our rooms for an hour before the rest of us would reconvene for dinner.

….45 minutes go by, my phone rings. ‘hello, this is the concierge, your customers are down here waiting for you to take them to the casino.’ … A knock at the door…  I tell the guy on the phone to wait, ‘who is it?’ … ‘Bell hop sir. Your customers are waiting downstairs for you to take them to the casino.’ I was beat, down I went and there he stood, with the other execs around him (smiling). He had rallied the troops .. We were off to the casino.

We travel an hour and during that hour he takes me through the theory of blackjack and his cheat card, a color coded card that shows you what to do for the best odds for every possible combination. We arrive and sure enough, it is a dump. After we have a REALLY bad meal we hit the casino with one caveat: when I lose my $100 (big spender), he has 1 hour and the bus leaves. If he is not with us, he can hitch a ride home.Off we go, and he explains to me his philosophy of betting which I later renamed the ‘pansy model’. Start at 5 bucks, each win grows the bet by 5 bucks until you lose, drop back to 5. To me this just means a long night at the table – so I quickly get to a $20 table and begin playing (Fully expecting to lose).Well, not tonight. I was on fire. Every time I put money on the table, I just kept winning (That cheat card was very handy). The louder I laughed at the irony – the more the people around me shook their heads. At one point, I had a string of 5 blackjacks in a row. My dealer of choice that evening – who I called Carolana bobana – (I was also having fun with the name game) was getting tip after tip (Good karma) and I hit a high of $3000. At one point, after losing a $100 hand, I can remember my executive friend saying ‘What? Remember the rule! Don’t go back at $25, start small!” .. to which I looked at him – laughed and added another $75 to the bet (I won). In the end – after tipping the dealer at least $400 through the night – I walked out with $1600 – or as I put it 16 really cool looking black chips.

The moral of this story:

The customer is always right.

THE OFFICE PRANK

I firmly believe that to be the best at what you do – you have to love where you work and what you do. During my career – I have left companies because I did not believe in the company or did not like what they stood for (In one case – it was the ethics (lack there of) and culture that caused me to leave).

Today – I love my job. I believe in the company I work for, we are doing great things, building great products that will revolutionize the world and I have great co-workers. Which brings me to my point – I also believe that to do love your job you have to fun. And for me – that means the occasional prank.

One of the people on my team sent out the following note today – after I happened upon an unsuspecting coworker victim who had left his laptop unlocked (He later claimed that he did not realize that I was in the building or he would have been more cautious). It seems that if you go into the accessibility functions of Windows XP and use the wizard which asks questions such as “are you blind?” (click yes) – “are you deaf?” (click yes) .. that it does all kinds of cool things like create high contrast purple and black backgrounds, puts a magnifier in place, etc … (snicker).

Anti-Weening Device..

To protect against those whose *ahem* fingers become itchy around unlocked workstations:
Very, very cool.
Another great prank: Call into the person’s voicemail and put the wrong password in. In most systems, if you do it 3 times it resets their voicemail (They will wonder – how come I can’t get into voicemail?)
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